Why Personal Growth Is Not Selfish—And How It Impacts Others
Personal growth sounded selfish to me. Intentionally developing myself felt egocentric.
Why did I need to focus on growing myself? Isn’t the purpose of life to pour into others?
That may sound odd coming from a Maxwell Leadership Certified team member who has founded an organization dedicated to teach youth development. My focus was on developing others, not myself. I assumed that to grow myself meant I needed to focus on myself. This felt at odds with a Christ-centered, others-first perspective.
However, I kept hearing how life-changing personal growth was, so I leaned in to understand.
A Shift in Perspective
I recently returned from Orlando, where I attended the International Maxwell Certification Conference (IMC). During these three days I received my Maxwell Leadership Certification, celebrated the organization’s global impact, and had the honor of connecting with incredible people–thought leaders, business owners, politicians, and newly certified team members–who are intentionally growing themselves and others.
Sitting in a room with thousands of changemakers, I had an epiphany. How did all of these incredible people just happen to be in the same room? One doesn’t just gather thousands of difference-makers by accident. Finally, I understood. This collective group of greatness was the product of an others-focused, personal growth mindset. These individuals weren’t growing for their own sake–they were growing to pour into others globally. I was humbled to sit among them.
The morning after I returned home, I opened my Bible to 1 Corinthians 9. Verse 24 made everything clear:
“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it.” (1 Corinthians 9:24)
That last phrase–run that you may obtain it–implies that we are not running the race just to be in the race, we are running to win. If the race is our walk with Christ, this verse tells us that we must do all things with excellence, thereby seeking to honor the Lord. Christ is victorious, and he equips us to strive for victory as well. Whatever we do, we must do it with all of our hearts (Colossians 3:23).
My personal conviction is that I must strive for excellence in everything I am called to do. I’m not called to be the best at everything. I don’t need to be the best basketball player because that is not where God called me (thank goodness). I am called to build Vessel Initiative and equip young people, and that I must pursue with excellence and be driven to win.
The Power of Intentional Growth
What I love about personal growth is that it extends to all aspects of life. John Maxwell was once asked to write a book about business ethics. He replied with, “I can’t. There are no such things as business ethics. There are only ethics.” He was implying that if a person clings to strong ethics, these will be evident in his business practices as well. The same rule applies to personal growth. I have multiple roles: fiancé, business owner, youth trainer, Christ-follower, friend, church member, and more. If I develop myself personally by increasing my skills in communication, problem solving, collaboration, listening, values, etc., everything else will follow suit.
And the same goes for you. Perhaps you are a teacher, a parent, a teenager, a student, a coach, an athlete. Whatever defines you, if you grow personally, you will grow in your role(s).
Can’t I just grow naturally? Why do I have to be so focused on intentionally growing?
This was my question when I first heard John teach about the need to be intentional in our growth. I matured over the years without reading a personal-development book, so I did not understand. Why the extra effort now?
Looking back, I realized:
While I did not grow up with personal growth as my aim, my growth was not accidental. I was raised in a growth environment. I watched my parents exercise, read, develop their skills, and start businesses. It was “intentional” even if we didn’t call it that.
I saw the difference between areas where I was intentional and where I wasn’t. In fitness, I saw significant improvement when I committed to a powerlifting program in 2023 and was intentional about gaining strength. In contrast, I started three businesses over the years but let them go when inspiration faded because I lacked the maturity to intentionally develop myself as a business owner. Vessel Initiative was different—I took time to test the vision, commit fully, and I am being intentional about learning as I go.
Personal Growth vs. Self-Help
I used to think that personal growth was selfish. Now I know that I was confusing personal growth with self-help. Let me make the distinction.
Self-help makes you a reservoir–it encourages you to improve yourself for yourself. Personal growth, on the other hand, makes you a river–everything you learn is meant to flow outward to impact others. This was Jesus’ focus, was it not? He grew in knowledge and wisdom before beginning his ministry (Luke 2:52).
How to Encourage Growth in Young People
If you’re a parent, teacher, coach, or student, where do you start?
I have three simple tools for you to begin:
Pick ONE area to grow. Don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to read a book about every aspect of your life. I recommend picking a strength of yours that you can continue to cultivate. Are you creative? Grow your skills in that area. Are you a people person? Look for resources about relationships. Are you preparing to transition from high school to college? Work on growing in self-awareness and vision. Just start with one thing.
Find your people. Growth loves company. Author Jim Rohn famously said that “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Surround yourself with people who are also pursuing growth. I meet with an incredible group of leaders every week. We encourage each other, discuss a shared book we are reading, and communicate our thoughts and ideas. I’m far better because of them.
Do something to grow every day. Consistency compounds. Again, start small, but pick an action you can do every day that will help you grow. Read a chapter of a book, write for 20 minutes, call one friend/family member every day, memorize a new verse. However small it seems, over time you will see the compounding impact.
BONUS: Join Vessel Initiative’s Learning Lab!
If you’re not sure where to start, this FREE virtual event will kickstart your growth journey. We’ll dive into three essential leadership qualities with teaching, activities, and practical tools. Plus, since it’s virtual, youth from across the U.S. can connect and grow together!
If you are–or you know–a middle or high school student, this event is for you! Click this link or send me an email to take the next step.
Don’t Let Growth Stop With You
True personal growth is not selfish. It is a commitment to excellence that allows you to serve others more effectively. Just like a plant grows and produces seeds, your growth should spark new life in those around you. Friend, wherever you choose to grow, I hope you do it with others in mind.
